Funny how that happens.

I have turned into such a different person than most people who knew me before college would have ever thought. I never even thought that I would have the passions I have or the interests that I have or that I would want to be what I want to be. But I am glad that I have found it all. I am glad that they are mine, and I am glad to be able to pursue them.

One of the passions that came out of left field (which of them didnt?) was my love for children. Not all children though (sounds cold, but totally not meant that way), specifically children with disabilities. They have won my heart. And every day the continue to win my heart. Most know that I used to spend the month of june, every year, with these incredible children. And it was always the most rewarding, eye-opening, humbling experience for me. Some know that I quit the camp this past year for personal reasons, which was not an easy decision. I still struggle with it. Especially this month of June. I just realized today that God answered a prayer in my heart that I didnt even know I was praying. He knew that my heart would be hurting this summer. And it is, because I miss my sweet kiddos every day. I am thinking about the camp, and saying prayers for each of my campers constantly. It can be hard to focus in class, because I am thinking of them. When I am putting on my rain gear, I am wondering what they are doing since it is raining outside and praying that they still get to play some since it is summer camp after all. But then I realize that I am perfectly ok. Because every day this week, and hopefully all summer, I get to hang out with Q. One of my old campers. He captured my heart the first summer I got to hang out with him and he has always been one of my favorites (I know, I'm not supposed to have favorites!). Today I realized why I love these kiddos so much. They have the happiest, most loving, and most caring hearts of any kids that I know. It is difficult to not hang out with them and come away and be worrying about how hectic your day is (like mine was today). They make me forget about the craziness. The bring peace and joy to my heart.

Isn't it crazy when you realize that a prayer you didnt know you were praying, has been answered? Our incredible God knows our hearts. He knew that mine would hurt this summer. I didnt. I thought it would be easy to not have to wake up and spend all day outside in the blistering heat, only to sit in a dining hall with no a.c, only to go to bed and wake up with bug bites. But HE knew, and HE was prepared for me. He was ready for me to cry out and he scooped me right up and is holding me tight. I am His child and that's what sweet Daddy's do.
My heart still hurts and I still cry, but its not as upsetting as it was. I am crying because I am so thankful to have Him taking care of my heart. I am so overwhelmed by the love of my God this summer. I am crying because He is showing me that the joy and peace that these sweet kiddos have in their hearts, can be found in mine too.

We are working on it. He and I together.
We are working.