bah.

Uh woah.

I totally haven't been blogging like I would like to lately. I just read one of my roommates blogs about how she has been saving some of her blog posts as drafts and not publishing them until later. Funny enough, I have too. A few weeks ago, I saved a blog that I never published because I didn't want some few choice people to find it and for a situation to only get worse. Complete lost cause however because the situation got worse. I should have known... But now, I am pretty much re-writing that same blog but with a few new situations at hand. Now, it's not that I don't care who reads it, it's just that it all really needs to be said. For my sake. Or else I will just continue to be upset and coming up on finals, I would rather not be upset.

I feel like I haven't been inspired lately. I haven't picked up my camera daily like I would like too. I haven't blogged pictures from my photog classes like I would like too. I haven't really even edited any of them like I would like too. And quite obviously, I haven't blogged like I would like too. Most people don't know this but I love to blog. There is a lot that goes on in this mind of mine and I love putting it down. I bought a journal the other day, for a few different reasons, but mainly so I could have another outlet to write. I think I fully feel like I am being completely and totally candid and honest with myself and God when I start writing. It certainly eases my heart. However, I haven't done this in a while because I have been pretty disappointed in a lot of people lately. I feel like my faith and character has been attacked by a few people that know me better. And I feel like it has been attacked by someone who isn't in a position to judge me. And get it wrong, by the way.

There are so many Christians in this world who have some great faith, in their eyes. But something that is huge in Christianity is that we are not the ones to judge others. That job is reserved for my wonderful God. I think a lot of people forget about this and jump on a high horse. This past semester I have been hurt by a few people doing this to me. In no way do I think that I am any better, we all falter, we all pass judgments that we shouldn't, but it isn't my place to tell someone else how to live their life. And quite frankly, I am tired of others telling me how to live my life.

I grew up very different from most kids that I know. My parents divorced when I was at a young age and my brother and father moved to a town over. My mom worked on the other side of town from where we lived and had about a 20 minute drive home each night. I grew up pretty quick. I did my own laundry, I ished cooked (we dont really cook), I cleaned my messes, I made sure homework was done, I took care of the things my mother needed me to take care of. I have been making my own decisions since my parents divorced. I'm not knocking my parents here, but kids of divorced families do that. We grow up. Since I was 7, I have been growing up. So if the world would please, let me continue to live my life. I like to think I have gotten to a good spot in my life and faith from the help of my family, close friends, and that's about it. The people I need to "protect" me are doing a good job of that. Whether they protect me in my faith, physically in life or are just the ones I love, I got it. I'm good.

Now hopefully, I won't spend tonight like last night. Awake with a sick dog, boiling over disappointment after disappointment, wondering how Christians can do the very things we are told not to do in the name of Christ, and only to call my mom and cry.